Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Musing about leaving Dodge!

WARNING: The following may not be to your liking. The content is a sensitive subject based on my hurts, observations and I may even dig down to share some of my deepest feelings.

In a recent conversation with my spouse, he posed a very good question. However, let me set the stage first. We have been talking about moving down south for four years. We have been taking steps in the direction, for the most part, and planning.

You see there is a lot of planning that goes in to moving. You have to set your steps in that direction. If you just up and move, without preparation you can land in a big 'ole hole with no money and no way out. So we have been researching areas. We tossed around Knoxville and Nashville, TN; North GA and the small little part of GA that touches the Atlantic; Huntsville, AL; Indy, IN; Columbia, SC; Tampa and Jacksonville, FL (most recent). That takes time and research... job market, inflation and cost of living comparisons. There were different reasons for each place that was mentioned and we are weighing it against many factors.

So, we were discussing a move to Columbia, SC. Really the questions was about a move to ANYWHERE that got me thinking.

"What will really be different about our lives?"

So here are my thoughts:
~Climate will be different if we move to a southern state. (just stating the obvious)
~~~~This could change the amount of time we are outside v/s inside.
~Amount of adult conversation with friends.
~~~~This would change for a face to face time. We wouldn't have friends in some areas starting out.
~~~~~~~If we are being honest about this subject, Chad has three friends and he hardly is in contact with them. We might see then once every 12-14 months. I have a lot less than I use to. I guess ppl change. My best friend I see every other day almost. We workout together, we have lunch together and occasionally we intertwine our families. She will be missed the most by me. I have a couple other friends that I don't see often but try to keep in contact the best they can. Saying all of this to point out, that I will not have the almost daily visits and time with Stephanie and that will make me sad. However the fact that she is my ONLY close friend makes me sad, too.
~Learning a new area.
~~~~GPS is my friend and I hope that it doesn't die. :)
~Church will be different.
~~~~Not sure if this is a good or bad thing. Maybe both!
~~~~~~~I would certainly miss people at my local church. I wished I felt closer to some. Seems like over the years things have changed. Really since the divorce. Not feeling included in areas that I was once a main go-to. Not being asked to sing. Joining in on things that end up fizzling out. There is some hurt that I am working through with God's help. Not feeling supported is a big thing. That is vague, I know. But not having immediate family here, causes me to lean on my church family. They all have immediate family, so they don't consider me. (that is how I feel) Catering to newer members is understandable. It just hurts when I feel left out or forgotten. Like when I had my surgery this year. No one offered to come over and help me with my three year old, or offered to cook or even asked if I needed anything. Feeling hurt and defeated, I finally called ONE person and she came out two days to help. OK so maybe I shouldn't expect to be on people's mind. But I had surgery! I needed help! Prayers are great.. but where was the actually HELP? So that is why I feel this could be a good thing. I place TOO MUCH expectation on my church family. I feel they think, "That's just Shantay, she has been there through thick and thin.", so many let downs beyond this.
~Busy Life, still no time!
~~~~Maybe or maybe not.
~~~~~~We will only have 1 child in the house. That is bound to free up some time. LOL Finding a house closer to work will also add HOME time and less DRIVE time. If I was able to go part time or back to school, I would be home more to do more things to keep the house de-cluttered and cook more. That would help with the financial offset of me bringing in less money.

What it all really boils down to is I don't care about all of that! I need a change!  I can start today making some changes but they are limited to the rut we have gotten in. It is so hard to pave a new path when the ruts are so deep. Chad and I need a change. Maybe it will be SC, maybe it won't. But as I told him last night... there will be a change in 2014.

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