Motivation...

1 John 5:4
For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.


The greatest enemy we face as we diet is not food, or the gnawing hunger we endure. No, the greatest enemy we face is the lack of faith we have in ourselves. When the going gets tough, our tendency is to throw up our hands in surrender. That cannot be allowed to happen. As faithful people, we are tied to a special power that comes from beyond us. We are recipients of the holy power of God. That same power raised Christ from the dead and enabled Him to overcome every temptation that this world could throw at Him. With that kind of power, how can we fail at anything we do?

(Devotional Email)

Tears...and funny after thoughts!

Ok Last night is what I am talking about... We had an uneventful night. Kris went to volley ball practice, I went through the mail, Chad cooked dinner... just a NO T.V. kind of night. Chad and I played a little Wii. We did some reading and basically relaxed. Seems like a good night so far. Well, I get up and get ready to start my STIM meds. I have a couple of changes and new things to do... so I read through the paper and figured it out. Ok first thing is first, I will do what I have been doing. I get my Lupron shot ready... decreased from 20units to 5units... "not much" I think to myself. Pinched my tummy fat to 'shoot up' and after a few practice darting throws... I jab! OUCH! NOT ALL THE WAY IN.... DANG THAT HURTS... SO OUT CAME THE NEEDLE! I busted into tears (probably hormone related). Here comes Chad, whom has never seen me inject. Needle in my right hand, tears streaming down my face, and I am wiping the tiny bit of blood from my first attempt of the night. Chad comforted me and I just sobbed. I tell him that the amount is so small, can't I just rub in on my skin... won't it absorb? Maybe I should drink it... we are talking 5 units! So as I am crying and just being a big unrealistic baby at this point... needle still in hand... I remember M&M's telling me that she thinks of me nightly when it is time for my shot. I remember her telling me she is praying for me... from that I gained strength! I said a little prayer and asked God to please help me... (not like I haven't taken this shot 11 times before). I found strength and peace to relax and dry my face. I found a new location and tried again. This time was easier. I ask Chad to find a location on my lower back for the 2 patches I have to wear now and I popped a baby aspirin. All done! I got another hug from Chad and then went to bed.

This morning I got up and was talking to Kris about my experience last night. She laughed, especially when I told her my desperate thoughts of rubbing it on my skin or drinking it. Yes it was just silly talk!!! I am so thankful that I have my God to hear my cry... and I have friends who are praying for me during this process! Well folks, that is the good, the bad and the ugly of it all. Have a blessed week!

Revival anyone?

This was such a beautiful photo of a church that I wanted to share it with you. It, however, is not my church. Churches are a place to gather and worship God. When I see a church, I immediately think of my saviour, Jesus Christ, and what he has done for me. I also think of the unconditional love that God has for us. A love like none other, a love that passes our understanding.
This weekend we had a wonderful revival. Minister Marvin Richardson was the preacher for this three day meeting. The first night he spoke on being SET FREE. Let me just start by saying his man stirs a place deep in your soul... God really is working through him! I seen several people I personally know be set free from some things that were bothering them. I praise God for this! My youth class also went to the alter and was prayed over. Each of them are going through a very hard time in their life and I was so happy to see them wanting the help from God. The second night he spoke on the INTENT OF THE HEART. Sort of funny, because in our youth class we just covered this subject. God really poured out his spirit and everyone that attended this service was blessed beyond measure. Talk about an old time religion; we walked away "satisfied"! Sunday morning was the last service and God just continued to fill the house. There were people being healed and blessed all over the house. Brother Richardson spoke on the DESIRES OF THE HEART. He elaborated that we need to 'claim' the blessings that God has already given us. Claim healing, Claim financial freedom, Claim peace on the home. After service, we all enjoyed a wonderful dinner hosted by some of our church sisters. The fellowship afterwards was just as wonderful and I can say that I was truly blessed this weekend. I am excited to be a part of the Master's plan in my life. God is in control and I praise him for that!

Ultrasound and Blood work

Ok so Thursday was my appointment in Indy. The appointment was in the middle of the day so it shot any hope of going in to work. I did go ahead and schedule the next appointment the same day I scheduled this one, so I was able to get an earlier appointment in order to make it in for 1/2 day. That will be on March 2nd. Anywho, the roads were icey and we seen 5 or 6 vehicles off the road on our way down. Since Chad was off work he went with me to drive & keep me company. We waited for the lab lady to draw blood and then I had to wait in the waiting room again. Then they did my ultrasound and everything looked great! woohoo. M&M's were so happy to hear that.
That evening the nurse coordinator called to confirm that everything looked great and all tests came back perfect. I will continue on lupron(20units) until Monday: then decrease Lupron and start some new meds. After I go back for my next u/s in March, she said she would know more about the eggs and how that was progressing. On a side note: I found some cute green clover socks to wear on the transfer day!

Cookie Monster!

The only side effect I have noticed this past week is the increase in my appetite. I eat about the same as I typically do during the day; however when I get home after work it seems I need to eat... SOMETHING! I honestly feel like I am starving at that point. Thank God my hubby has been there to rescue me from the cookie monster! lol I am perfectly fine with gaining weight once I am preggo and the baby is growing. I am not ok with gaining weight while on meds... hello?!?!?! Just because the side effect is increased appetite doesn't mean I have to eat more and gain weight. It means I have to find more will power to fight off that monster. lol

The Shot

OK SO I DID MY FIRST LUPRON SHOT LAST NIGHT...
The calendar said I could do it between 6pm and 10pm. So I was gonna wait until the last possible moment. (nerves) I got home about 6:30ish and got out my booklet they gave me with the calendar and read over the instructions on 'how to' a little. I was feeling a little on the blak side last night so I wasn't in a cheery mood. Anywho, hubby thought I shouldn't wait til 10pm b/c what if it keeps me up or I have a reaction... so I took it at 9:15 instead. So here is how it all went down! Watching Grey's and it went off; however there was this 2 hour premier where Grey's and Private Practice was merging... so Private Practice was coming on. I watched the 1st part and then the commercial came on so I jumped up. NO THINKING... JUST DO IT, I told myself. I wash my hands in the kitchen and go to the section of the counter where my meds are. Step one: wash hands... DONE... Step two... three... and so forth. Needle full, skin clean and pinched... OH DO I HEAR MY SHOW BACK ON?... crap! CONCENTRATE!... Ok, pinched skin on tummy... needle inching towards the spot. Slowly inching.... needle on skin... slowly.... a quarter of the way in.... OUCH... pulled it out... blood! Geez, why did I go slow? Everyone says quick... and I go slow? Fine, with bottom lip sticking out from my previous ouchie... quick, needle IN.... pushed out all the lupron... waited a second or two and double checked I had emptied the syringe. OUT and done! The first little poke hurt worst than that jab! I cleaned up my mess and then went to show hubby my booboo. He rubbed it and I told him I needed a cookie. (hehehe) After about 5 mins, I remembered my show was on. lol

So that was it. Best advice I can give is DON'T go slow. lol I had some soreness in the area; however that could have been from my mishap. lol

Happy Valentines Day

I want to thank my M&M's for the yummy surprise that the postman brought me / my family yesterday. I look forward to this journey we are sharing...

My medicine came today and I will start my shots tomorrow. *Warning: Lupron makes ya loopy, so they say.

Life Song * Casting Crowns

Please scroll down to the bottom and PAUSE the automated music at the bottom of the page before pressing PLAY on this video.

Contract Finalized

Well people it is a slam dunk! After some time back and forth with the lawyer, the contracts are finalized and it is in the process of being signed, FedExed and signed!!! wooohoo! I am so happy to have this part done and over with.

Now I can get started on the shots and patches and suppositories.... ewww. Guess you didn't want to know that, huh? Well you are reading my blog... never know what I will say. lol On Feb. 12th I start my belly shots and then next week I will go for my baseline ultrasound and more blood work. Now the real fun begins. Please say a prayer that God will bless our efforts and provide M&M with their little bundle of joy; or is it little almond joy? Does M&M's make Almond Joys????

Yucky Venting!

This looks like a good rock for me to crawl under. LOL I thought I hated waiting... I now realize I HATE the contract phase. LOL. Not meaning to be a downer on the issue... I am just not feeling great and I hate negotiations. I didn't like it when hubby and I was going over the pre-nupt the day of our rehearsal and I don't like it when we are going over the surrogacy contract in the 11th hour either. I want things to be simple and happy and just right. (read rainbows, butterflies and lilies) I understand the logic behind having these types of agreements and the object of having all parties (as much as possible) happy with what is in the legal mumbo-jumbo. But I hate it. It is all a matter of understanding what is in the contract, what is wanting to be changed and why it should be changed. I am not the type of person who thrives on conflict (NOT that we are arguing over this contract.. we AREN'T); this just pushes me out of my comfort zone. I do what I say... and if I said I will... by the help of God, it will be done. That is just how I am, not everyone is like that and therefore we can't just go on 'good faith' in these serious matters. I understand! I love my M&M's and I know they are just trying to figure this all out, too. I also know she reads my blog from time to time... so {{big hugs}} to YOU! This crap is stressful for both of us!

Update

The contracts are drafted and I have a copy! Chad and I have an appointment with our attorney today to go over the surrogacy contract (page by page). I have read through it twice and Chad has read through it once. So after today, we should be all set! There was only one thing I saw that needed to be addressed further, under a what-if category. Ms Spence however seen there were a few things that needed to be changed. So I will listen to what she has to say and then we will go from there. I am looking forward to our meeting at noon and hope for minimal changes. If this contract can be completed and signed by the 11th, I start lupron shots on the 12th!!!


Well this week I have had the flu. So I haven't felt that great. Slept most of the week and trying to get in plenty of fluids. No energy for exercise this week! I pray to be feeling better this weekend for Kris' choir event on Saturday. Then afterwards if the weather is nice... go for a walk to clear out my head and lungs. lol